Update, 27 Months & Baby Brother

Dear Zo-Bear,

I can't describe in words how amazing you are.  We had your 2nd birthday at a park here in Winston-Salem, and it was dreadfully hot, but you had so much fun, and we announced to the whole family that we are expecting another baby in March.  We found out in October that it's a boy! Now, our family will be complete, once he joins us.

I have so many feelings about this.

I'm scared you will think we don't love you as much.  This is impossible.  The love I feel for you is bigger than the universe, and I just hope you still feel that when you are having to share mommy/daddy time with baby.

I'm scared you will be jealous.  Already I have had to stop picking you up.  While you are still small for your age (but not too small), you do weigh about 25 pounds, which is too heavy for a 22 weeks pregnant woman to be picking up.  I feel very sore when I do pick you up.  I'm not going to be able to pick you up for a while after baby brother is born either.  You really are a snuggle bug and you enjoy snuggling with mommy and daddy, and I hope that when baby comes, that you are able to share snuggle time without being jealous.  I swear if I had extra arms, I'd hold you both.

I'm scared I'll go crazy mom.  While you are an amazing little person, you do sometimes, every once in a while, have tantrums.  And sometimes, no amount of calmness/bribery works, and I yell.  And then I feel terrible about it. Especially since it doesn't seem to work anyway.  I'm scared that when there are two of you, and you are having a tantrum, and the baby is crying, I will just go crazy.  Not actual crazy, but I'm afraid I will yell and scream, and walk away.  But I promise, if I do, it will not impact my love for you.  Baby girl, you are my whole world and always will be.

I'm elated.  I've always been so happy to have you, my girl, but I've also always wanted a boy, too. When we went in for my ultrasound, I was a ball of nerves.  When the tech announced it was a boy, we were so happy. I cried.  You had been saying for weeks that you were getting a "baby sister", so now we have finally got you to say "baby brother".  :)  And, you're good at telling us what baby brother's name is.

Milo Freeman.  Freeman was my Grandfather's name, and your grandfather's middle name.  Milo is just a name we love.

Milo and Zoe.  You will always be my whole heart.

Here are some pictures from the last few months!

Dear Zo-Bear

You turned a year old this past weekend.  I am disbelief that you have already given me a year of your self.  You have been so sweet the past few weeks. You have really turned into a little person and not a baby anymore. Every day I am more in awe of how special you are and how blessed I am to be your mother.  

A few big things: 

-You are a rare baby, you have "breath-holding spurts".  This means that when you are very scared or mad, you will hold your breath until you pass out.  It is so scary when it happens.  It has now happened 3 times.  Twice at daycare, and once at home.  I cried when it happened at home because it was so scary.  You stop breathing and turn purple - every mother's worst nightmare!  All the research suggests you will grow out of it, and that it will only be an occasional thing.  I hope they're right.

-The day AFTER your first birthday, you decided to take your first steps.. AND say your first word (bye-bye).  You have been babbling for a while, but this is the first time you have been specific and copy us when you say it.  You also blow kisses, give low-fives, and wave on command. You are precious and amazing.

I saved all of your birthday cards and hope that one day they will mean something to you.  All of the family came to your birthday party: Me and Daddy, Grammy, Uncle Alan, Aunt Wendy, Elora, Emma, Madelyn, Grandpa & Grandpa Suggs, Mamaw & Papaw Williamson, Aunt Amy, and Uncle Josh.  We all got together to celebrate you. You ate your chocolate cake with gusto and were very proud of the mess you made.  

I love you more and more every day and can't believe you're my child.

Love,

Momma.

Welp, 8 weeks

What a long time since I've updated!

I decided to take off from work on July 25th so I'd have some time at home before baby.  That was great because I went into labor on the 31st.  Of course, she didn't arrive until August 2nd.   Here's my last pregnancy picture, when I knew it was time:

This is from 39 weeks, 1 day.  I was ginormous!  

Here's our birth story:

On Thursday, July 31st, I woke up with a terrible headache.  One of the top five worst headaches of my life.  No amount of Tylenol could touch it.  After finally taking a nap and puking, it tapered off. That night, I started having cramps about 8 pm. I thought they were Braxton Hicks, so when I woke up about 1:30 AM Friday and noticed they were still going, and they were getting stronger, I decided it was possibly happening! 

At about 5 AM they were still going, so I woke my husband up and we went to Labor & Delivery per the instructions of the on call nurse. 

We were at triage for five hours with no progression past one centimeter. So, they sent us home. Well a few hours later the contractions were way worse, so back we went... Only to be sent home again a few hours later with still no progression. They did, however, give me an Ambien to help me sleep.  May have been a bad idea. We got home and 1.5 hours later my water broke, as I was lying in bed crying. So, we headed back, this time with me sitting on towel, and they finally admitted me. Whee! 

I had told myself all through the pregnancy that I was going to try to go without drugs. Haha.  Well, I did make it 24 hours without... At the hospital, I got the epidural ASAP, and slept for a little bit, until the contractions really kicked up and the epidural was basically useless. 

I had progressed to a seven though, so it was all good. Probably an hour later, I was ten, so we started pushing. I pushed for 3 hours with an hour sitting break and her head would just Not come down. 

At this point my doc suggested a C-section. I was very ok with that... but.. Here's the deal. When you start with epidural vs a spinal (which is what my hospital does for scheduled C-Section) things can go a little crazy. Indeed, mine wasn't working and I was pretty much screaming in pain. They gave me some nitris oxide and some other super trippy drugs and I had a full on hallucinogenic drug trip. At one point I actually thought I had died. It was awful.  But at some point, I heard her cries through the hallucination, and eventually I was able to see her.  All I could think upon seeing her was how much she looks like Jared!  I didn't get to hold her until almost 2 hours later because I was so drugged up and shaking so hard, but when I did, it was love.  

Zoe Lane, born 8.2.14, at 1:41 PM, 8 lbs, 3 oz, and 20.5 inches long.  I will add stories about how she has adapted to the outside world in the last 8 weeks later..   For now, here are some pictures!

Zoe at 1 day old

Zoe with her bunny at 8 weeks old

Zoe with Drago

Zoe smiling :)

37 Weeks!

37 Weeks.   Last week I was given a growth ultrasound to see if I'm having a mega baby, since I'm measuring ahead.  At 36 Weeks she was estimated to be 7 pounds!  This is cool because on Saturday I went to see my friend Katie, who had her baby on the 4th of July, and he was about 6 lbs.  So, I was holding an outside baby that was smaller than my inside baby.   So weird.

How far along: 37 weeks, only 3 weeks til D-DAY!

Total weight gain/loss: I'm thinking around 40 pounds... sheesh.

Maternity clothes: All the time. And now I'm starting to out grow some of them. 

Stretch marks: Yea, a lot of those.  And they are itching like CRAZY

Sleep: I'm really, really sleepy. I toss and turn a lot. When I wake up, my mind races and it takes me forever to fall back to sleep. I'm getting up 1-2 times a night to pee.  

Best moment this week: My in-laws visited and brought us a few more gifts for the baby.  She's so spoiled already!

Miss anything:  Beer.  At this point, I'd drink PBR.

Movement: Hiccups daily, and depending on the time of day and my sitting position, a lot of movement.    

Food cravings: I'm trying to convince myself that I'm craving meat, since apparently that will help with the er.. stretching.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No, only gross smells.  Well, ground beef is gross.

Have you started to show yet: I'm so so so big. Blah.

Sex: Girl, aka Team Leia

Belly button in or out: :(:( :( :(  About half and half.. I still have a hole, but the outer edge is out.

Wedding rings on or off: Band on, diamond off. I wear the band on my pinky just in case.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!!  And still so tired. But really, I'm definitely over it and ready for her to be here.

Labor signs: Starting to get a lot of Braxton Hicks. but that's about it.

Looking forward to: Next Friday being my last day of work!

35 Weeks

Here's my belly hiding my 60 pound boxer.

How far along: 35 weeks (Or is it a million?)

Total weight gain/loss: I'm thinking around 35 pounds... sheesh.

Maternity clothes: All the time. And now I'm starting to out grow some of them. 

Stretch marks: Yea, a lot of those.  And they are itching like CRAZY

Sleep: I'm really, really sleepy. I toss and turn a lot, but when I'm asleep, it's a hard sleep. Now, though, I'm getting up 1-2 times a night to pee.  

Best moment this week: Finding out I get to have one more ultrasound due to baby measuring a "tiny bit big".  That, and the last baby shower was this weekend at Carmen's, and it was a lot of fun!

Miss anything:  Beer.  At this point, I'd drink PBR.

Movement: Not as much as before, I'm feeling hiccups almost daily, but since she's running out of room, she isn't having any big movements.  

Food cravings: Ice, still.  Turns out it's because I'm anemic. Yay, iron supplements :P

Anything making you queasy or sick: No, only gross smells.  Toothpaste is starting to make me queasy again.

Have you started to show yet: I'm so so so big. Blah.

Sex: Girl, aka Team Leia

Belly button in or out: :(:( :( :(  About half and half.. I still have a hole, but the outer edge is out.

Wedding rings on or off: Band on, diamond off. Actually, half the time I wear the band on my pinky just in case.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!!  And still so tired. But really, I'm definitely over it and ready for her to be here.

Labor signs: No, but I still have 5 weeks til due date.  I'm hoping she'll come early, though! 

Looking forward to: Ultrasound next week, and leaving work probably on July 25th!

33 Weeks

How far along: 33 weeks (the picture is actually from 31 weeks..)

Total weight gain/loss: I don't even know.  I didn't think I was doing bad last time, then I got weighed.  The answer is, a lot..

Maternity clothes: All the time. And now I'm starting to out grow some of them. Sheesh.

Stretch marks: Yea, a lot of those.

Sleep: I'm really, really sleepy. I toss and turn a lot, but when I'm asleep, it's a hard sleep. 

Best moment this week: Last night at baby class when I looked down and finally got to SEE baby moving through my belly.

Miss anything:  Beer.  At this point, I'd drink PBR.

Movement: A LOT of movement, and it's awesome.  

Food cravings: Ice, still.  Turns out it's because I'm anemic. Yay, iron supplements :P

Anything making you queasy or sick: No, only gross smells.

Have you started to show yet: I'm so so so big. Blah.

Sex: Girl, aka Team Leia

Belly button in or out: Still in. But very, very close to not being.

Wedding rings on or off: Band on, diamond off. Actually, half the time I wear the band on my pinky just in case.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!!  And still so tired. But really, I'm kind of over it and ready for my girl to be here.

Labor signs: Not for another 7 weeks at least, I hope. 

Looking forward to: Two more baby showers, then just relaxing til baby comes.  Really, I'm looking forward to Aug 1st, when I get to leave work!

28 Weeks

How far along: 28 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I don't even know.  I didn't think I was doing bad last time, then I got weighed.  The answer is, a lot..

Maternity clothes: All the time.

Stretch marks: Starting to get more, methinks. 

Sleep: I'm really, really sleepy. I toss and turn a lot, but when I'm asleep, it's a hard sleep. 

Best moment this week: Hmm.  Maybe today when I ordered a baby fez for the newborn shots I'm planning :)

Miss anything:  Craft beer!! and Med Rare Steak.

Movement: A LOT of movement, and it's awesome.  Jared finally gets to feel her sometimes, and it's magic.

Food cravings: ICE!! This week I can't get enough ice to chew on! I've never in my life liked chewing on ice, now I can't stop.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No, only gross smells.

Have you started to show yet: I'm getting huge..  Today, I was told I'm going to have a big baby. I replied, "No, I'm just fat".

Sex: Girl, aka Team Leia

Belly button in or out: Still in. But very, very close to not being.

Wedding rings on or off: Band on, diamond off. 

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!!  And still so tired. 

Labor signs: Not for another 12 weeks at least, I hope. 

Looking forward to: Taking a week off in June so I can clean the house, set up the nursery and relax a little before baby comes.